My history ????

Today, as I was wondering what I should ramble about, it struck me. Where exactly do I come from? What is my history? What is my ancestry? When these popped out, I took it upon myself to do some searching by myself. Now it is obvious that what I find out, may not be completely accurate. It is simply because I am half way across the globe from where I was born and raised. I am probably the first in my immediate family to be staying so far from the family for such a long time. However, with resources like google, you can never have too little information about anything, come to think of it, I owe part of my grades to google. If it was not for google, I would have had a very difficult time completing my degrees. Also I must confess, that, a part of the reason I am writing this is because of my recent trip to my native village in Jhunjhunu. There in the village there is a huge temple devoted to the followers of Rani Satiji. When I asked my dad and mom about her, I was told that we are her direct descendents. This obviously got me intrigued. Its because, for years we had been worshiping her, a lot of people, a lot of Maarwaaris have. Now I am told that I am her direct descendant, it obviously got me a bit…excited. I mean, I am not that much into a lot of worship, even though I do follow most of the needed rituals, thanks to my mom. I started to think, if I am, if my family is, the descendant of such a great being, why am I such a bad seed. So when I was visiting the temple, I bought a book. The book, claims to, detail the life of Rani Satiji. She was born to a simple family about 400 – 500 years back. The story goes that she was the re-incarnation of a goddess, and at that time, even though she was a girl, she excelled at warcraft and weaponry. This was something that even the villagers at that time found very intriguing. The book also lists that many people at that time believe that she had performed many miracles. However, one day when she was getting home, with her husband, they were ambushed by the enemy. The husband was a brave warrior and almost fended them off, but one of the sly enemy warriors attacked him from the back and killed him. In that time it was considered a sin to attack people from the back, hence the husband did not anticipate it. However, when she saw this, she immediately came out of her carriage and killed every enemy soldier she could see. She then instructed her general, to collect wood. After that she burnt herself alongside her husband. She was the first sati in the village after ages. Also all this had happened over a beautiful horse. Before she immolated herself, she had instructed the general to keep take her ashes in a pot and place it on the horse. Wherever the horse came to rest, that would be her final resting place. Also this happened not quite far from my village. The horse came to rest in Jhunjhunu and now at that place there stands a huge temple in her name. After a few days it is believed that the ground shattered open in front of all the people and the horse and the pot of ashes went inside. The ground then covered over them and they were lost forever. Nothing else was damaged and everything happened in front of the eyes of the people. After I read all this, I started thinking that I have such a great lineage, however, look at me. I as much a faggot as a faggot can be. I try to be good at times, but then they are rare. Well I try to be a better person but I guess I am beyond salvation. My great great grandfather was a very hard working and a well respected person. So was my great grandfather. My grand father was also a very simple and divine person. He never thought ill will about anyone and was always ready to help people. In fact he along with his brothers started a college in the name of my great grandfather and it is one of the best college in Mumbai at the moment and is ever expanding. My father is also very knowledgeable and is always there to help me out in any way possible. In front of these great men, look at me. A loaf. A “chapri”. So far I have done nothing that would even touch the boundaries of greatness of these people. I hope I can do something in the future. From the way things are going I know I am going to be the odd one out.