Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Decisions Decisions and I gotta make one fast

How many times have we noticed us saying that phrase. If you were me, you would probably be repeating that phrase once, if not more, every hour. It is just that life is full of so many junctures, that you hit a fork every time you blink your eyes. These decisions span every aspect of your life, and if I am to be believed, even dictate on the kind of person you may be. For instance, if you are a person who likes to have a routine, then maybe you will not be making many decisions. You will know what you will be doing next. However, for people like me, who don’t know what is going to hit them the next second, these decisions are a plenty. Consider a usual morning cycle. After I get up, should I brush my teeth first or check my Email, there may be an important message. Should I have breakfast first, or should I take a shower. Should I have milk or just juice. Should I bike to school, or should I take the bus. Should I sit in the lobby or should I sit in the library or in the lab perhaps. Should I eat out, or should I eat at home. Should I go home early or late. Should I sleep early or late. These are but a few questions, however mediocre, that come to me each and every day. The way I answer them, depends on how I am that day. Say I am broke. In that case I will obviously want to come home and eat. This is in stark contrast to when I was home. I knew I had to go to class, in the morning, but I had the servants make me breakfast. What I would eat would depend on what the cook thought would be good for me that day. All I had to decide was should I go late to college or not. It may sound strange, but now that I am staying alone, it does seem to be a big deal. Back then, I knew I could think or study for some stupid test in the morning, not having to care a lot about what I was eating or anything. However, now I cant. I need to make sure I am the one cooking what I am eating based on what is there and what is not. Some people find it easy, some find it difficult, and then there are some like me, who don’t really care. I mean I do think about my breakfast, but not that much. If I am late, I eat out. Now consider this. If such stupid or mediocre decisions, can make me sweat, think about what would happen with them big ones. The ones big enough to decide your future. In the past I made one such decision and now I am regretting it. I had decided to take up a certain program, and I did take it up. Now its really haunting me. I have lost all motivation to do it anymore. I would even go as far as saying that maybe when I made my decision, I made it too fast and without thinking a lot. Now there is no way out and I am kinda stuck with it. If I could undo that decision, I would do it in a heart beat. The key, I think, to making decisions, is that you need to think not about the present but how will it affect you in the future, not only if it succeeds, but even if you make the decision and it fails. It sounds all to simple, but many times the parameters are far too many and far too complex to actually determine what the outcome will be. All you can do is then guess, and how good this guess is, depends on how experienced you are in making such decisions. I know I am not a lot experienced, else I would have seen this coming a long way out. Many times, you don’t even have to time to make the decision, rather calculate your decision. That’s when you say “Decisions Decisions… and I gotta make one fast”. Well all I hope is that the next time I make such decisions, they be good ones.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My history ????

Today, as I was wondering what I should ramble about, it struck me. Where exactly do I come from? What is my history? What is my ancestry? When these popped out, I took it upon myself to do some searching by myself. Now it is obvious that what I find out, may not be completely accurate. It is simply because I am half way across the globe from where I was born and raised. I am probably the first in my immediate family to be staying so far from the family for such a long time. However, with resources like google, you can never have too little information about anything, come to think of it, I owe part of my grades to google. If it was not for google, I would have had a very difficult time completing my degrees. Also I must confess, that, a part of the reason I am writing this is because of my recent trip to my native village in Jhunjhunu. There in the village there is a huge temple devoted to the followers of Rani Satiji. When I asked my dad and mom about her, I was told that we are her direct descendents. This obviously got me intrigued. Its because, for years we had been worshiping her, a lot of people, a lot of Maarwaaris have. Now I am told that I am her direct descendant, it obviously got me a bit…excited. I mean, I am not that much into a lot of worship, even though I do follow most of the needed rituals, thanks to my mom. I started to think, if I am, if my family is, the descendant of such a great being, why am I such a bad seed. So when I was visiting the temple, I bought a book. The book, claims to, detail the life of Rani Satiji. She was born to a simple family about 400 – 500 years back. The story goes that she was the re-incarnation of a goddess, and at that time, even though she was a girl, she excelled at warcraft and weaponry. This was something that even the villagers at that time found very intriguing. The book also lists that many people at that time believe that she had performed many miracles. However, one day when she was getting home, with her husband, they were ambushed by the enemy. The husband was a brave warrior and almost fended them off, but one of the sly enemy warriors attacked him from the back and killed him. In that time it was considered a sin to attack people from the back, hence the husband did not anticipate it. However, when she saw this, she immediately came out of her carriage and killed every enemy soldier she could see. She then instructed her general, to collect wood. After that she burnt herself alongside her husband. She was the first sati in the village after ages. Also all this had happened over a beautiful horse. Before she immolated herself, she had instructed the general to keep take her ashes in a pot and place it on the horse. Wherever the horse came to rest, that would be her final resting place. Also this happened not quite far from my village. The horse came to rest in Jhunjhunu and now at that place there stands a huge temple in her name. After a few days it is believed that the ground shattered open in front of all the people and the horse and the pot of ashes went inside. The ground then covered over them and they were lost forever. Nothing else was damaged and everything happened in front of the eyes of the people. After I read all this, I started thinking that I have such a great lineage, however, look at me. I as much a faggot as a faggot can be. I try to be good at times, but then they are rare. Well I try to be a better person but I guess I am beyond salvation. My great great grandfather was a very hard working and a well respected person. So was my great grandfather. My grand father was also a very simple and divine person. He never thought ill will about anyone and was always ready to help people. In fact he along with his brothers started a college in the name of my great grandfather and it is one of the best college in Mumbai at the moment and is ever expanding. My father is also very knowledgeable and is always there to help me out in any way possible. In front of these great men, look at me. A loaf. A “chapri”. So far I have done nothing that would even touch the boundaries of greatness of these people. I hope I can do something in the future. From the way things are going I know I am going to be the odd one out.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Godse's defense speech in court...

"Born in a devotional Brahmin family, I instinctively came to revere Hindu religion, Hindu history and Hindu culture. I had, therefore, been intensely proud of Hinduism as a whole. As I grew up I developed a tendency to free thinking unfettered by any superstitious allegiance to any isms, political or religious. That is why I worked actively for the eradication of untouchability and the caste system based on birth alone. I openly joined anti-caste movements and maintained that all Hindus were of equal status as to rights, social and religious and should be considered high or low on merit alone and not through the accident of birth in a particular caste or profession. I used publicly to take part in organized anti-caste dinners in which thousands of Hindus, Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaisyas, Chamars and Bhangis participated. We broke the caste rules and dined in the company of each other. I have read the speeches and writings of Dadabhai Nairoji, Vivekanand, Gokhale, Tilak, along with the books of ancient and modern history of India and some prominent countries like England, France, America and' Russia. Moreover I studied the tenets of Socialism and Marxism. But above all I studied very closely whatever Veer Savarkar and Gandhiji had written and spoken, as to my mind these two ideologies have contributed more to the moulding of the thought and action of the Indian people during the last thirty years or so, than any other single factor has done. All this reading and thinking led me to believe it was my first duty to serve Hindudom and Hindus both as a patriot and as a world citizen. To secure the freedom and to safeguard the just interests of some thirty crores (300 million) of Hindus would automatically constitute the freedom and the well being of all India, one fifth of human race. This conviction led me naturally to devote myself to the Hindu Sanghtanist ideology and programme, which alone, I came to believe, could win and preserve the national independence of Hindustan, my Motherland, and enable her to render true service to humanity as well. Since the year 1920, that is, after the demise of Lokamanya Tilak, Gandhiji's influence in the Congress first increased and then became supreme. His activities for public awakening were phenomenal in their intensity and were reinforced by the slogan of truth and non-violence, which he paraded ostentatiously before the country. No sensible or enlightened person could object to those slogans. In fact there is nothing new or original in them. They are implicit in every constitutional public movement. But it is nothing but a mere dream if you imagine that the bulk of mankind is, or can ever become, capable of scrupulous adherence to these lofty principles in its normal life from day to day. In fact, honour, duty and love of one's own kith and kin and country might often compel us to disregard non-violence and to use force. I could never conceive that an armed resistance to an aggression is unjust. I would consider it a religious and moral duty to resist and, if possible, to overpower such an enemy by use of force. [In the Ramayana] Rama killed Ravana in a tumultuous fight and relieved Sita. [In the Mahabharata], Krishna killed Kansa to end his wickedness; and Arjuna had to fight and slay quite a number of his friends and relations including the revered Bhishma because the latter was on the side of the aggressor. It is my firm belief that in dubbing Rama, Krishna and Arjuna as guilty of violence, the Mahatma betrayed a total ignorance of the springs of human action. In more recent history, it was the heroic fight put up by Chhatrapati Shivaji that first checked and eventually destroyed the Muslim tyranny in India. It was absolutely essentially for Shivaji to overpower and kill an aggressive Afzal Khan, failing which he would have lost his own life. In condemning history's towering warriors like Shivaji, Rana Pratap and Guru Gobind Singh as misguided patriots, Gandhiji has merely exposed his self-conceit. He was, paradoxical, as it may appear, a violent pacifist who brought untold calamities on the country in the name of truth and non-violence, while Rana Pratap, Shivaji and the Guru will remain enshrined in the hearts of their countrymen forever for the freedom they brought to them. The accumulating provocation of thirty-two years, culminating in his last pro-Muslim fast, at last goaded me to the conclusion that the existence of Gandhi should be brought to an end immediately. Gandhi had done very well in South Africa to uphold the rights and well being of the Indian community there. But when he finally returned to India he developed a subjective mentality under which he alone was to be the final judge of what was right or wrong. If the country wanted his leadership, it had to accept his infallibility; if it did not, he would stand aloof from the Congress and carry on his own way. Against such an attitude there can be no halfway house. Either Congress had to surrender its will to his and had to be content with playing second fiddle to all his eccentricity, whimsicality, metaphysics and primitive vision, or it had to carry on without him. He alone was the Judge of everyone and everything; he was the master brain guiding the civil disobedience movement; no other could know the technique of that movement. He alone knew when to begin and when to withdraw it. The movement might succeed or fail, it might bring untold disaster and political reverses but that could make no difference to the Mahatma's infallibility. 'A Satyagrahi can never fail' was his formula for declaring his own infallibility and nobody except himself knew what a Satyagrahi is. Thus, the Mahatma became the judge and jury in his own cause. These childish insanities and obstinacies, coupled with a most severe austerity of life, ceaseless work and lofty character made Gandhi formidable and irresistible. Many people thought that his politics were irrational but they had either to withdraw from the Congress or place their intelligence at his feet to do with, as he liked. In a position of such absolute irresponsibility Gandhi was guilty of blunder after blunder, failure after failure, disaster after disaster. Gandhi's pro-Muslim policy is blatantly in his perverse attitude on the question of the national language of India. It is quite obvious that Hindi has the most prior claim to be accepted as the premier language. In the beginning of his career in India, Gandhi gave a great impetus to Hindi but as he found that the Muslims did not like it, he became a champion of what is called Hindustani. Everybody in India knows that there is no language called Hindustani; it has no grammar; it has no vocabulary. It is a mere dialect; it is spoken, but not written. It is a bastard tongue and crossbreed between Hindi and Urdu, and not even the Mahatma's sophistry could make it popular. But in his desire to please the Muslims he insisted that Hindustani alone should be the national language of India. His blind followers, of course, supported him and the so-called hybrid language began to be used. The charm and purity of the Hindi language was to be prostituted to please the Muslims. All his experiments were at the expense of the Hindus. From August 1946 onwards the private armies of the Muslim League began a massacre of the Hindus. The then Viceroy, Lord Wavell, though distressed at what was happening, would not use his powers under the Government of India Act of 1935 to prevent the rape, murder and arson. The Hindu blood began to flow from Bengal to Karachi with some retaliation by the Hindus. The Interim Government formed in September was sabotaged by its Muslim League members right from its inception, but the more they became disloyal and treasonable to the government of which they were a part, the greater was Gandhi's infatuation for them. Lord Wavell had to resign as he could not bring about a settlement and he was succeeded by Lord Mountbatten. King Log was followed by King Stork. The Congress, which had boasted of its nationalism and socialism, secretly accepted Pakistan literally at the point of the bayonet and abjectly surrendered to Jinnah. India was vivisected and one-third of the Indian territory became foreign land to us from August 15, 1947. Lord Mountbatten came to be described in Congress circles as the greatest Viceroy and Governor-General this country ever had. The official date for handing over power was fixed for June 30, 1948, but Mountbatten with his ruthless surgery gave us a gift of vivisected India ten months in advance. This is what Gandhi had achieved after thirty years of undisputed dictatorship and this is what Congress party calls 'freedom' and 'peaceful transfer of power'. The Hindu-Muslim unity bubble was finally burst and a theocratic state was established with the consent of Nehru and his crowd and they have called 'freedom won by them with sacrifice' - whose sacrifice? When top leaders of Congress, with the consent of Gandhi, divided and tore the country - which we consider a deity of worship - my mind was filled with direful anger. One of the conditions imposed by Gandhi for his breaking of the fast unto death related to the mosques in Delhi occupied by the Hindu refugees. But when Hindus in Pakistan were subjected to violent attacks he did not so much as utter a single word to protest and censure the Pakistan Government or the Muslims concerned. Gandhi was shrewd enough to know that while undertaking a fast unto death, had he imposed for its break some condition on the Muslims in Pakistan, there would have been found hardly any Muslims who could have shown some grief if the fast had ended in his death. It was for this reason that he purposely avoided imposing any condition on the Muslims. He was fully aware of from the experience that Jinnah was not at all perturbed or influenced by his fast and the Muslim League hardly attached any value to the inner voice of Gandhi. Gandhi is being referred to as the Father of the Nation. But if that is so, he had failed his paternal duty inasmuch as he has acted very treacherously to the nation by his consenting to the partitioning of it. I stoutly maintain that Gandhi has failed in his duty. He has proved to be the Father of Pakistan. His inner-voice, his spiritual power and his doctrine of non-violence of which so much is made of, all crumbled before Jinnah's iron will and proved to be powerless. Briefly speaking, I thought to myself and foresaw I shall be totally ruined, and the only thing I could expect from the people would be nothing but hatred and that I shall have lost all my honour, even more valuable than my life, if I were to kill Gandhiji. But at the same time I felt that the Indian politics in the absence of Gandhiji would surely be proved practical, able to retaliate, and would be powerful with armed forces. No doubt, my own future would be totally ruined, but the nation would be saved from the inroads of Pakistan. People may even call me and dub me as devoid of any sense or foolish, but the nation would be free to follow the course founded on the reason which I consider to be necessary for sound nation-building. After having fully considered the question, I took the final decision in the matter, but I did not speak about it to anyone whatsoever. I took courage in both my hands and I did fire the shots at Gandhiji on 30th January 1948, on the prayer-grounds of Birla House. I do say that my shots were fired at the person whose policy and action had brought rack and ruin and destruction to millions of Hindus. There was no legal machinery by which such an offender could be brought to book and for this reason I fired those fatal shots. I bear no ill will towards anyone individually but I do say that I had no respect for the present government owing to their policy, which was unfairly favourable towards the Muslims. But at the same time I could clearly see that the policy was entirely due to the presence of Gandhi. I have to say with great regret that Prime Minister Nehru quite forgets that his preachings and deeds are at times at variances with each other when he talks about India as a secular state in season and out of season, because it is significant to note that Nehru has played a leading role in the establishment of the theocratic state of Pakistan, and his job was made easier by Gandhi's persistent policy of appeasement towards the Muslims. I now stand before the court to accept the full share of my responsibility for what I have done and the judge would, of course, pass against me such orders of sentence as may be considered proper. But I would like to add that I do not desire any mercy to be shown to me, nor do I wish that anyone else should beg for mercy on my behalf. My confidence about the moral side of my action has not been shaken even by the criticism levelled against it on all sides. I have no doubt that honest writers of history will weigh my act and find the true value thereof some day in future."
- NATHURAM GODSE

Friday, February 10, 2006

Is anything really that obvious ?

Many times, people use the sentence "Is'nt it obvious!", for many people. How obvious is it? Why is it so obvious? Is it really something that is so "obvious" that everyone in the world should know it? I don't know how correct am i, when i say there is nothing that is "obvious". Its a very relative term. Consider this very simple, but crude example. There are two people, both from the same strata of society. Both the people are pursuing history and are at the same level in thier graduate school. Not much difference between thier personalities. Now one fine Friday night, both go to play a game of Pool. Both are making merry and having fun. Consider now that it is person B's turn to hit the shot. He thinks that he can bank the ball and hit the stripe in. However person A feels, that he should not make that shot cause its an "obivous" possibility that he will miss. He thinks that B should hit the shot which is straight down. When he tells this to B, B replies saying that its "obvious" that he cnt make that long shot, because he cannot play a straight shot very well. He says he has a better chance, of potting a stripe, if he banks the ball. A retorts that, it is quite "obvious" that you will make that straight shot, as every beginner would know how to hit ball straight. Now here we see a classic example of what one thinks should be easy for everyone else, just cause the majority, not all mind you, find it easy. Is it correct to generalize so much? Just because 7 out of 10 have done it in the past, does it mean that even the next 3 will do it, to get a 100% result? It may be that certain people can do certain simple things better, while certain others find the same simple thing to be a tad complex. For instance i am good at visualizing 3-D geometry. So much so that i did not study for my Engineering Drawing class and still managed to get the highest score. However, many in my class felt the paper to be very difficult and did not do too well. Many designs, which to me seemed "obvious", weren't so for many of my colleagues. So whenever i would approach them with something "obvious", i would always have to eat my words, since i would land up explaining to them something that is "obvious" to me. Also, at this point, let me tell you, it is always hard to explain something that is "obvious" to you, to someone for whom it is not. This statement itself will corroborate the fact that anything "obvious" is not truly "obvious". It is relative. It may be "obvious" to you, simply because you may have been exposed to it in the past. For those who have not, it is'nt. For instance after reading this post, it is fairly "obvious" taht you will understand, indeed, that nothing is "obvious" .... or is it ?

Cheers

Why confused

Why confused you say ? Just look at my thoughts from now on and you will know. Ofcourse, you will have to think at a totally different level, to determine what my ramblings actually mean. I am on my way to find the meaning of life, and the more i delve into it, the more confusing it gets. Read on, and thou shalt know why thy existence is.........but a mere annoyance to me .......